to become a skier

To become a skier, you first need to dress like a skier. Start with the long underwear. Add big puffy pants, a cool jacket, a hat, goggles, gloves, and you’re on your way. You may feel kind of invincible, like you’re walking around in a big suit of armor. Don’t get overconfident.

Once you get to the mountain, strap on some really tight boots and step into your skis. For the rest of the day, be prepared to find yourself sliding around wildly and uncontrollably.

The chair lift is no sweat. Just remember to stand up when it is time to get off, or you will fall over. Also, horseplay on the lift right at the exit point might result in everyone falling over as well.

To start off, you better point the tips of your skis in toward each other, like a triangle. Kids call this “the pizza”, or “the snowplow”, or “the cheese wedge”. Think of other names for it during the day. Carve left and right down the mountain to avoid speeding out of control. Try not to hit small children. When you fall over, tell people you were trying to avoid hitting small children.

When you realize that you are careening down the mountain too fast, and your cheese wedge is wobbling all over the place under you, resist the tendency to lean back onto your heels. You’ll have less control that way, and you’ll probably speed up. And if you see that you are unavoidably heading to what looks like a jump, maybe you should just drop to your bum and skid to a stop. If you decide to keep going, you may catch some air. If you are a novice, chances are you will not land gracefully. You might land on your head and tumble end over end down the slope, shedding skis, poles, and your hat as you go. Don’t worry; a nice woman in a fluorescent-colored jacket will help you collect your things. Ski instructors who think they are out of earshot will use you as a first-rate object lesson for their pupils. When your friends at the bottom of the run ask why there is snow in your ear and on the inside of your goggles, just change the subject. Hop on the lift again, and repeat. Enjoy.





I had an excellent weekend. Every run was exciting and fun. The trip was great. The girls would hang behind with me on a few runs as I snowplowed my way down the mountain. Aly surprised me with how good of a skier she was. She is a pro. Dawn is also excellent, and would spend her day looking for the best double-black to ace. Abby put me to shame on all the runs we did together. Amy is a legit snowboarder. Very talented family.